The Corny Truth Series: They Corned My Coffee

Why, oh why would anyone want to mess with my coffee? Coffee should be just that – coffee. No fillers, no additives. Just coffee. How is that so hard?

When I first realized that I am allergic to corn, I immediately became bombarded by information about what foods can be corny. This one particular website my search engine kept bringing up said that there can be corn in coffee, and my first response was “Nope”. Not this lady’s coffee. There is no way. I drink it every single morning. And sometimes in the afternoon. They can’t take that away from me. So, basically, I ignored it. I didn’t want to face that fact, and was trucking along just fine, until a certain someone brought home a bag of Maxwell house coffee instead of the “good stuff” we usually buy, and lo and behold, I was corned. For a few days.

I first noticed the old familiar feeling of a steel rod being jammed between my shoulder blades, which was soon accompanied by the sensation of someone putting out a cigarette on my back. One long, continuous burning sensation that would not go away no matter what I did. Then came the joint pain in my hands, feet and knees. And then came the muscle weakness from head to toe, followed by involuntary muscle twitching all over. Let’s not even talk about how many trips I made to the bathroom. Ugh. Trying to correctly form sentences was becoming harder and harder. Like my brain was going way too fast for my mouth to keep up, and all of my words would try to topple out of my mouth at once, so that I sounded like a bumbling idiot.

I honestly thought that my fibromyalgia-like symptoms were a flare-up from eating sugar, because I’m not gonna lie… I could not stay out of these delicious grain-free peanut butter cookies my mother in law made. So I kept drinking my coffee and trying to avoid the stupid, amazing cookies…. And by day 3 I cracked. My bucket apparently overflowed, and I lost it. It was sheer torture to get out of bed in the morning, I could not stop crying for hours, and everything HURT so bad I could not stand it. I took 2 sips of coffee that morning, felt sores starting to form on the back of my tongue, and then I realized “holy crap, it’s the coffee!”. Then I cried some more. A lot more. Because coffee.

Out came the computer.

Check out this blog and this site. Even fox news talks about it.

I was thinking that it must be something that they coat the beans with… which in some cases, especially for decaf (which is usually of no concern to me) it is. Coffee beans are soaked in a corny solvent that completely removes the caffeine before the beans are roasted. That is fine, I thought, until I continued to read that the regular coffee is roasted on the same exact equipment as the tainted decaf coffee beans, rendering that coffee corny as well. Awesome.

Maltodextrin is added to instant coffees to keep the granules free flowing. I don’t tend to drink
instant, so that one I can let slide, but still crappy.

The worst offense? Some coffee companies actually put fillers in their ground coffee. Want to take a wild guess as to what these fillers can be? Corn, soy, wheat, brown sugar, barley, twigs, and dirt. Wow. That sheds a whole new light on referring to strong coffee as “mud”. Gross.

I am not sure which brands are the offenders, but I am going to take a wild guess that Maxwell House is one of them, seeing as how horribly I reacted to it. I will definitely not be buying anymore of that brand! According to the first link I posted up there, the best bet is to find a kosher coffee, since the entire roasting and grinding processes are under strict scrutinization. We found an organic, fair trade coffee from BJ’s wholesale that seems to be doing the trick now. Whew….crises averted. For now, anyway. It has been only one day since I stopped drinking the other brand, and my pain is virtually gone already. I was right.

Keep a weary eye on all labels of every single thing you buy, because you never know what might be lurking about inside the package.

Be sure to follow this blog to see what else I come across in my corntamination findings!


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